I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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