I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
