dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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