with your own penis?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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