I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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