I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I am mentally ready for anal.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
