Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
