The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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