Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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