I got chris browned last night
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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