My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
