he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
