i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
