i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
