Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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