the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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