shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
