I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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