She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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