Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
