Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
