Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
