I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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