Duck Duck Cougar?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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