if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I AM VODKA MAN
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
