chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
