and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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