he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
