operation have a gay friend backfired
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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