So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
