I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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