ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
