Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
