May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
