i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
