It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
