Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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