12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
