Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
