I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
