I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
