I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
