I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
