Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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