Your mouth is God's brothel.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
