Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
