the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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