are you still at the devil's house?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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