his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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