why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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