I just pynch a tree in the face
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
