"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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