Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
