I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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