My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
